Coparenting Made Easy
So the worst has happened, and you have decided to go your separate ways as a couple. But you still both want to be there for your child. Admirable, but not always easy during and even after the process of decoupling. But it can be done. Read on to find out how. to make co parenting easier
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Respect boundaries In Co Parenting
One of the most important ways of having a good co-parenting relationship with your ex is to set some hard boundaries and make sure they are respected. It can be very hard to go from being a couple to being separated, especially if one person initiated the breakup. It’s easy for feelings and wires to get crossed and for things to become way messier and more confusing that they need to be.
Having some stricter boundaries can help with this. For example, you may suggest that if your ex-partner is with someone new, that they don’t allow them to pick up and drop the kids off from yours. Or you may feel more comfortable having set time for you to ex-partner to call or text to check up on the progress of your child, rather than it being OK to interrupt your day at any old time that suits them.
Make it official
Something else that can really help you to have a positive co-parenting relationship is to make your agreement official. You can do this by seeking legal help from a custody attorney and a child support attorney. Then you will be able to get visitation rights and child support payment amounts and dates finalized and agreed to by both parties.
Having something in writing makes it nice and clear, and can remove a lot of stress on the relationship of the co-parents. It also ensures that no matter the state of your relationship, the wellbeing of your child is always put first.
OK, so you are thinking: “Why would I go to therapy with someone I have broken up with?” But hear me out. Therapy is actually a great way of learning to communicate better, and what relationship needs better communication than any other? A co-parenting one.
Remember there can be quite a bit of emotional strain on the co-parents, as they have to put their own feelings aside to ensure that their child is getting what they need. This burden can certainly be lifted by going to therapy and focusing on how to interact within the boundaries of this new type of relationship, without holding on to the problems and bitterness of the past.
Something else that can be really useful in making a co-parenting relationship work is to adopt an attitude of non-judgment. I’m not saying that this is easy, as everyone has baggage, but it can actually work wonders in this sort of set up.
This is because many folks allow the feelings that ended the relationship to conditioning to cloud their judgment of the person afterwards. While this may be a useful method to minimize emotional pain from the breakup, it can really play havoc with the co-parenting dynamic, getting in the way of the other person being able to parent properly.
Divorce and Starting over is never easy especially when there are children involved but effective and compassionate co parenting is possible and necessary. What is your experience with co parenting?