Dating the Divorced Guy
If you are freshly divorced after being married your entire adult life dating is one of those things you thought, you would never even dream about. The last time I was single and you wanted to get ahold of your “lady” friend we sent secretly encrypted messages via a pay phone (still a quarter then) to their pager and vice versa. Cell phones were available for a bajillion dollars and even came in a handy suitcase for you to carry around. Needless to say, the times have changed since then.
Mr. Divorce Guy
Mr. divorce guy (I was blindsided) has about as much confidence personally as tadpole swimming in a piranha pool. Bear with us when we may act a little awkward. More than likely we met you via the online route because lawyers bleed us dry during divorce and our social life involves hot nights watching T.V. and eating ramen noodles because that is all we can afford. It doesn’t mean we don’t have plenty to offer, but some dad’s (contrary to popular belief) are doing all they can to keep their children in their life and again there is a reason lawyers work 20 hours a week and take lavish vacations!
just to give you Mr. Divorce Guy some hope Click To Tweet
Thankfully I’m retired from the dating scene, and hopefully, I never have to venture back into it. That being said when I was a “free agent” there were some “interesting” dates to say the least. One of the benefits of the “friend zone” is you do make new friends, even if the dating part didn’t work out. Unfortunately, not all dates work out. Don’t worry young Jedi there are plenty of fish in the sea and trust me there is somebody for you. Let’s recap my dating history, just to give you Mr. Divorce Guy some hope.
Bring On The Crazy
My first ever date in a post married world amounted to a few weeks of “Netflix and chill,” we met online, she lied about every detail of her personal life and I only kept watching crappy movies with her because I was too nice to tell her that “average” build didn’t mean you were a body double for Shamu at SeaWorld. I’m not body shaming here, just going by what was in her profile description. The point is, don’t lie in your online profile description, when we first met I was like…. really!
Next up for me was a real estate agent that was going through a divorce herself. We hit it off immediately, but there was never a “connection.” We both knew it after a couple of dates but remain good friends to this day. She loaned me the money to move into my apartment in 2015 and I paid her back in full a week later and even took her to dinner as a thank you.
One thing they don’t tell you when you venture into online dating is 75% of all women that have chosen this platform to meet Prince Charming either work as teachers or in the medical profession. I guess with their wonky schedule and hours a “normal” social life is hard to obtain. Rewind to the date I had with the tall drink of water English teacher who was smoking hot and super intelligent. We had a great first date and a so-so second date. After the first date, I was calling all my buddies and telling them this chick was amazing.
After the second date, I found out that I had been boxed out and she had the inside position for a rebound. Yup, I was the “rebound” man for her to get her ex into line. Again, no big deal, the dating pool is large and eager, sometimes you swing a miss even when you think you know what the next pitch is.
There was the time I went out with the nurse that oversaw an area nursery home. It was one crazy night of many cab rides and the awkward next day when I had to drive to her house to return her purse and the $100.00 bill that had fallen out of it. I’ll never forget her, though, after a few adult beverages she got me to try sushi. Since that day in November of 2015, I’ve become somewhat of a sushi aficionado!
The Struggle Is Real
Finally, before I met the woman of my dreams, was the school nurse. We met online and since the distance was a factor I invited her out on her turf 45 minutes away. We had a fabulous night seeing a production from a local theater troupe. One small problem has she had a special needs child with Down’s Syndrome and apparently, some serious insecurity issues. We went out a second time and I even stayed the night there (on the couch) but unbeknownst to me she rifled through my phone and read every text message I had sent my best friend.
She didn’t like what she read, and I damn sure didn’t like that she read my messages. Honey this is our second date, me expressing concern that this would be anything long term because I’m not remotely ready to dive into a relationship with someone with a special needs child isn’t your fault or mine. It’s called life and I’m divorced now I can pick and choose as I see fit. Let’s just say after that ensuing argument I never spoke to her again.
I was about to give up on online datingClick To Tweet
I was about to give up on online dating: Too many cougars, professionals just looking to score a meal, and nut jobs. Then someone that hadn’t dated since her high school days caught my eye. Another tall drink of water, intelligence off the charts, and lo and behold former volleyballer herself. Our first date consisted of three hours of total awkwardness, but then we went walking together the next day. Then the next day we had lunch, fast forward 18 months later and she is now my fiancée.
Divorced Guys Have Happy Endings Too
The point of all this mindless dribble is, don’t judge the book by its cover when thinking about going out with someone that just come through a divorce. Mine was nasty and super expensive all because I wanted to be a participating father in my daughter’s life. If your divorced date is offering to take you out to Tumbleweed instead of a five-star steakhouse, something obviously caught your attention to get to the “going out” part so give him a chance. If you hit it off the five-star steakhouse will be in the near future or maybe you will get lucky and find out he’s a magician in the kitchen and misses making gourmet meals for people in his life.
Gary Mathews: Humor/Parenting blogger at Skipah’s Realm. Fresh off getting blindsided in divorce he took to the blogosphere for his own personal therapy and has had his work featured on Time.com and the Yahoo finance pages giving men a humorous look at the financial side of divorce and dating. Gary is also a loving dad and loves to write about the whacky and zany adventures he gets into with his beloved daughter.