Sorry doesn’t always fix things: Different ways to mend fences that work
Whether you’ve had a blazing argument with your partner or your best friend, or you messed up at work and put a project back by a few days, making amends is essential. While saying “sorry” and meaning it is only the first step to putting things right, it’s one of the most important. Admitting that your behavior was misinformed, unfair, or inappropriate is difficult. It’s about taking ownership of your actions, and dealing with the fallout maturely, as well as learning from the situation and moving on. Sometimes, however, a “sorry” just isn’t enough. Here are a few following steps that can help to compound your apology, and truly show remorse.
Go to them
It’s tricky to save your relationship by phone, email, or text – it just doesn’t quite get the point across like a genuine, earnest, face to face conversation. If it’s not completely inconvenient, going to them to apologize while looking them in the eyes can make your apology seem far more sincere.
Explain how you messed up
“Sorry” can seem like an empty word when it isn’t backed up with actions and understanding. One of the first and most important ways to show that you’re actually sorry is by demonstrating an understanding of how you messed up. If they think you’re just apologizing to avoid an argument or placate them, you’re not going to get very far. If it’s difficult for you to do face to face, spend some time properly considering how your actions were problematic, and write it down to send to them. They’ll appreciate the self-reflection, and it will go some way to reassure them that you won’t repeat your mistakes.
Make it right
If your actions resulted in problems, you need to make it right. Whether it’s money, lies, or saying something which upset them, the only way to make amends is to make it right, and showing a concerted effort to right wrongs will demonstrate that you’re taking the problem seriously.
Send flowers and a card
It might be a little thing to you, but a card and flowers can mean the world to someone you’ve hurt. Even if you’re not local to them, you can use Floraqueen to get beautiful flowers to them, and send the card with it to show how sorry you are. They act as a visual reminder of your remorse, so even when you’re not there, they have something to refer to when they’re in need of reassurance.
Give them time
When someone is hurt or angry, only time can heal that. You could do all the right things, but they’re still going to have to take the time to come to terms with what’s happened. Don’t get irritated when it’s not all done and dusted in three days flat – if you really want to make amends, you’ll let them take as much time as they need to get their head round it and overcome their anger and hurt.
Be completely honest
Finally, if you’re holding something back, now is the time, to be honest. The worst thing that could happen is that they forgive you, only for more information to come to the surface further down the line.
When we cause tears in our relationships it often requires more than saying your sorry!