When Friends And Family Don’t Like Your Partner

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WHEN THEY DON’T LIKE YOUR MATE

Making a relationship work is hard when it’s just the two of you, you have to worry about. When you throw family and friends, coworkers etc into the mix it becomes that much harder. When any of these extensions of your life decide they don’t like your choice of mate it definitely creates its own set of problems.

I have encountered this problem on many levels in my life as I married the second time. I believe there are many variables to how this happens. When you meet someone new, it is mostly about you and that person. But when it becomes serious, all of a sudden you have to consider all the other people in your life too.

You may think to yourself, my friends and family have been a part of my life much longer so how they feel about this person matters. It does matter to a point.

The most important thing you have to realize, especially when you get married is that you become the familial unit. Where it used to be you and the family, it is now you and your mate and then the extended family. Often the extended family is thinking about how they feel not how you feel. You are not responsible for everyone’s feelings. It is really important to honor all of your loved ones but you must also remember that you and your mate are the central units.

FIND OUT WHY

It is important to sit down with your family and or friends and find out why they feel like they do. Do they question how you’re being treated? Did something happen?
These are issues that you have to be willing to hear. Once you finish your fact finding mission you are better equipped to find a solution.

CALL A MEETING

Propose a sit down between all parties explaining that all of them are important to you and talk it out to find a solution.
Sometimes, though, this creates a standoff if all parties are unwilling to meet halfway, which is commonly the issue. In my case, there was a perceived event where there were multiples parties present and the family member saw it one way but what actually happened was witnessed by four other people. I tried to reason to no avail.

How often have you heard,” I’ll spend time with you in a seperate way?”.

This possibly can work if all parties don’t ever discuss the person but how can that happen? When someone is the largest part of your world it is impossible to keep them out of a conversation. The people in your life should want your happiness above all things. Making you choose or creating an uncomfortable situation is selfish.

Many times we have run into not liking people but we keep that to ourselves because that is polite behavior. How do you deal with this situation?

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6 Comments Write a comment

Writer And Coffee Addict Living The Blog Life

6 Comments

  • Cyn K August 15, 2016

    Visiting from Austin’s Blog Pitch Party.

    • Heidi August 16, 2016

      Thanks for checking me out 🙂 I haven’t been able to get back there

  • Carlana November 14, 2016

    You’re so right. In the beginning, it is just about you and that person. And then when i gets serious there are so many other people to consider and they may have reservations, especially if you have been hurt or disappointed before.

  • Eden November 14, 2016

    Yes, a lot of compromise happens when marriage shifts family dynamics. It can be tough but learning to communicate with caring is key!
    Eden recently posted…The Zen of DatingMy Profile

  • Divya @ Eat Teach Blog November 14, 2016

    I definitely don’t think I could have married anybody that my family wasn’t on board with! My family’s opinion is way too important to me! But, luckily, it all worked out! My parents love my husband and so I didn’t have to have the conversation! Phew.
    Divya @ Eat Teach Blog recently posted…Prepare for Travel with GrouponMy Profile

  • Aish Das-Padihari November 14, 2016

    So true. Sometimes I think, the only reason why I put up with my hubby is that my family simply adores him. No Kidding. He is clever, isn’t he? 😉 But yes, it does make a difference, when your family, friends accept him and like him.

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