The Divorce Is Final
Divorce is hard and stressful and life after divorce can be just as difficult, no matter how it came about for you. I asked for the Divorce so some might think well you got what you wanted. The truth is I did what was best for everybody, we were all miserable. But when the day came, I am not gonna lie, I was Euphoric and I think that is how many of us feel.
The Days, Months, Years in my case are a constant source of Anxiety. Me and (satan) lived together, in separate rooms for financial reasons and his inability to accept it. So when the day came I was like a 16yr old who’s parents were away for the weekend. Yes, I went crazy!
The first thing I did was get a tattoo and then there was the going out every night, the Serial Dating and a host of bad decisions. So I thought I would create this little guide to help those going through a divorce maybe transition a little smoother.
Life After Divorce
For some Divorce can come suddenly and you can get blind-sided but even then there is time. Formulate a plan for life after divorce. There are so many things to consider from property to all of the belongings to work and in some cases where you are going to live. The more you have planned the better off you will be.
Learn To Be Alone
I am an Introvert so being alone has never really been an issue for me but to go from seeing and hearing my kids every day to half the time was hard. In my life after divorce, I had to get used to silence. Even having someone to talk to when you got home.
Doing things alone can be hard to get used to. I learned to really enjoy my own company and started going places by myself. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. There is a lot of loneliness that you have to get used to and eventually it dissipates over time. Ironically, I grew to prefer it.
I was surprised at how sad I felt. I didn’t want to be married to him, but I missed being married. It is completely normal to grieve the loss. It is like losing part of yourself. Experts say it takes six years to totally get over a divorce. You don’t want to wallow however, you definitely need to deal with the baggage.
The person you were with your ex may not be the person you are after the divorce. I honestly had never really known the real me. I spent so many years being whatever everyone wanted that I lost the true essence of who I was.
When you are a couple, you are an extension of each other. Sadly, this happens with so many women especially if you were young when you got married. I met my first husband when I was 18 and that really is when you are discovering yourself and what you want. Add kids to the mix and you can get even more lost in everybody else.
This was perhaps the hardest part for me. A good friend told me that when you get divorced, you will find out who you’re true friends are. When you are married many of your friends are mutual, it’s just easier that way. After the divorce, the waters get muddy.
Our friends didn’t so much pick a side as they just didn’t want to be involved with either side. That goes for family too. We all felt awkward and for me, it became hard to be with my married friends after that. Your life just changes so much. Connecting with other divorced people tends to really help emotionally and socially as well. It is kind of like a support group you can whine to and get the “mmhmm” you really need.
After the “trolling” novelty wore off, I realized I just wasn’t ready. I needed time to answer to myself, to be me. If I am being honest the Serial Dating was more about sex than a relationship. You need time to grow and make peace with your new life.
I usually suggest 6 months. After I spent some time alone I met my husband and I was better prepared to find the man who was right for me. I started with formulating a list of what I didn’t want.It was the best decision as I have a great Marriage with my best friend.
Another blogger brought up this point and it is great advice. If you have kids you can’t date someone who doesn’t. People who have never had kids cannot possibly understand the obligations or be put second. Divorce is so hard on kids and it takes a special kind of person to appreciate that. Usually, that is someone who has the same thing in their life.
Making your own decisions can be exciting, even kind of a high. I know for me it was. You need to really weigh each decision carefully. Making snap decisions can have negative results. I made quite a few poor Financial decisions that ended badly and cost me big time. Taking the time to weigh your options can make a big difference.
It is easy to think that when the Divorce is final that it’s over but it is far from over. There are many decisions to make which is hard because you tend to be vulnerable. Learn and discover the new you and your new life. Connect with others who find themselves where you are in life.