What Is True Love?
So the Wicked Queen cursed Snow White with a “Sleeping Death” which she can only be awakened by a kiss of True Love. Of course, her mindset is she’s in the middle of the Enchanted Forest, who could possibly kiss her right?
But of course, the much too handsome, rich Prince Charming happens by and is overwhelmed with the need to kiss her. Voila! She opens her eyes, the dwarfs erupt in dance, cue the butterflies.
These are the images as children that are instilled in us. Realistically ,we know they are fairy tales but there’s always that secret hope that it is just that simple.
Everyone has that need inside them to feel love. Love is probably the biggest industry today. We are littered with movies, books, even websites promising to find us that perfect person. From the onset, we are in love with love. We believe love will solve all our problems and make us happy forever! Enter the question everyone asks at some point in their life, what is True Love? How do I know when love is true?
Remember your first love? Everything was magical about that person. You had to have them. Every waking moment is spent thinking about them, how they make you feel.
The fireworks when you kiss, how your skin feels too hot, too tight whenever you are near them. You think this has to be love, why else would it feel so good and so bad at the same time.
This lasts for a bit, then over time, there are all those other things that creep in. I’ll call it the reality. That isn’t loving, it’s Infatuation!
Infatuation is when you are attracted to someone, it can be for a lot of reasons, looks, good hair, a deep voice, a really great car.
It tends to become obsessive because you are always chasing that original high. You don’t see the other person at all. Truthfully, it has little to do with them and more to do with you. It is all about how they make you feel.
So you create the fantasy of who they are. No one can honestly live up to those ideals because they don’t exist. The idea of love will drive us to do crazy, unimaginable things so there is no truth in it. Life can be lonely we will do almost anything to douse the loneliness we feel.
When we are young we don’t really know these things so we rinse and repeat. The answers themselves you can find in the name, True Love, firstly it is all about truth, especially with yourself.
True Love is lasting love. It isn’t based on feelings. Feelings are part of it naturally but the most important elements are Intimacy, Trust, Commitment, and Passion. You may think you know what that all means, but it never really is what we think.
True Intimacy is the sharing and blending of hearts. It’s the truest measure of closeness. Many believe Intimacy and sex are intertwined, surely you can’t get closer to another being than that?
That is false, Intimacy in its truest form isn’t physical. It is about becoming one. For so long that has been hard to define but easily spoken. True Intimacy can only exist when you truly know yourself.
After all, it means in-to-me. Being open and sharing the deepest part of you is perhaps the hardest, riskiest thing you can do. It is also the most freeing to have someone else share the load. That is what it is to be truly connected.
Trust is maybe the most important element and the biggest challenge. You cannot have a healthy union without it.
To define exactly what it means is tough. Ask yourself these questions. When you think of your partner, do they have your back in all things?
Trust is built over time and is action based. Consistent behavior, keeping one’s word, making your secrets theirs, being someone you know you can depend on.
Someone worthy of your trust backs up their words and actions. They show up when they say they will do what they say they will. “Say what you mean, mean what you say!”
Passion is a compelling, emotional feeling. It is the willingness to suffer for something. Compassion is the willingness to suffer together.
They should go hand in hand. It’s not about whether you will suffer but are you willing to? Passion drives us in life, in all of our relationships, even our jobs.
In true love, it is that flame that stays lit.
You need all of these things but lasting love doesn’t have a chance unless you are committed. Committing to a relationship means you are invested in what you have together, not anyone else. You know there are others out there but you are no longer interested in those options.
Definitely, it should be a well thought out choice and taken seriously. These are the most important elements of true, lasting love. To me, though, the telling factor is wanting someone else’s happiness more than your own.
Giving without any regard to what you might get back. Accepting and loving someone’s flaws and wanting to build a life with them. It doesn’t happen quickly it builds over time.
Looking over at them, having a lightbulb moment when you can’t imagine being with anyone else. Understanding there will be pain and mistakes will be made because that is what being human is all about. There are no perfect people but there are people who are perfect for you!