Relationship Goals: How To Fight Better And Improve Your Love Life

relationships
Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
Feeling love and passion for your partner inevitably means there will be fighting!
A healthy relationship that is passionate carries strong feelings so it is normal to have arguments whether your dating or married. It reveals your level of caring and you aren’t afraid of each other. Issues most couples tend to fight about:
  • family
  • money
  • time
  • intimacy
  • housework
  • attention

fightWhat you want to pay attention to is how you are fighting and how much, there are a few different arguing styles

Fight Styles

  • those who want to resolve the issue
  • those who want to be heard
  • those who need to be right
  • those who don’t wanna deal with it at all
 fight
The problem with any fight, like a boxing match there are two people struggling to be the winner. Unfortunately, nobody really wins. 69 percent of issues that come up in a yelling match are never solved. You are so loaded with emotion you can’t see the issue.
In my first marriage, we didn’t see for years that we were opponents who had nothing without the battle. Today my current husband and I don’t really fight very often however, we discuss a lot.
Important things to remember to fight efficiently:
fight
  • calm down
  • don’t use words like always and never
  • don’t get off the topic

So often because we are angry we think this is an opportunity to throw up every little thing that our partner does in an argument that we forget the issue at hand. Which is why the knockdown, drag-out battle never works.

 

Don’t fight in the bedroom! All of your really great times happen here {sleeping and sex} don’t fill your precious space with negative energy.
If you’re not with someone you can have open, honest conversation with then maybe the issue is much bigger than the argument at hand.
 fight
I’m a big believer in lists so when you’re angry to consider getting it down on paper along with possible solutions.
Get over the need to be right.
The great thing about people and relationships is that they are always evolving. Of course with that, there can be issues like adjusting and feelings changing and that’s why there’s work involved.
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Very often this taxes a relationship to the point of one partner pulling away but if you keep the door to dialogue open there no wall that can’t be climbed, remembering why you chose your partner in the first place. So don’t ever stop talking. Get your feelings out to avoid the volcano effect.

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10 Comments

  • Michele September 15, 2016

    I have been married for 33 years. We never yell. We rarely argue. We do have disagreements, but we usually manage to discuss things rationally. It was harder in the early years, but we discovered that fighting doesn’t really solve anything and is exhausting.
    Michele recently posted…Find Yourself in TravelMy Profile

    • Heidi September 15, 2016

      So true Michele. In my second marriage that is us too, when yelling the issues rarely get resolved.

  • Uchegbu Ikenna September 15, 2016

    Most people thought fighting and arguement in marriage means that marriage is not working out.

    “No’ Experts say that it’s normal to fight.

    Fighting is inevitable in marriage,

    Both partners are from different parents, so there must be disagreement.

    The only thing that matters is to what happens after the fight.

    Did you setting the dispute immediately or leave it for later.

    God say” Don’t let the sun go down with bitterness in your heart.

    Thanks once again.

    http://www.happymarriagebuilder.com

  • Jennifer Kelly October 1, 2016

    This is great advice! I’ve had my fair share of really bad relationships, but my husband and I have been married 2 years now with fights that never last more than 5 minutes and they never result in yelling. We learned a ton from our past mistakes, and we make sure to never make the fight personal, only about the matter at hand, and to come to a mutual resolution. A fight shouldn’t have a winner, it should be two people compromising. I think that is so important. You are on the same team in a marriage, and that should always be in the forefront while you are arguing. xo great post!
    Jennifer Kelly recently posted…Hampton Beach Honeymoon at The Boardwalk Inn & CafeMy Profile

  • Kallia October 2, 2016

    Getting over the need to be right is so important. Most times we believe that we have to prove something And we don’t just hurt the other person, but ourselves too! And yes it is best to have an open and honest relationship with your other half. Great post as always!!

    • Heidi October 2, 2016

      Thanks, well Dr. Phil always says right fighters never win.

  • ale October 2, 2016

    Married for 10 years, we do fight here and there, I do yell here and there but what was crucial for us in our beginnings was to understand that we are a team and our argues are just a way of communication in order to resolve issue. Once discussed its resolved, forgotten, we do not hold grudges. And a rule we try to follow 100% is never go to bed on fight. Great post, loads of insights!!

    • Heidi October 2, 2016

      I totally agree

  • Sheila Jo October 2, 2016

    Interesting quote at the start of the article!

    • Heidi October 3, 2016

      Thanks and thanks for reading

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