Relationship Tips: How To Exhale And Just Let It Go


Letting It Go: A Life Lesson

Recently in my own life I have embraced the lesson on “letting it go”. Wha I mean by that is there are things we hold onto that are stifling us. Not too long ago I shared the gift of releasing Toxic Relationships from your life. How often, though have we let people go from our lives out of anger? Ego?

Toxic Relationships  those which harm and bring negativity to our lives and what I have come to realize is just because you let those people go doesn’t exactly wash away the negativity, the festering resentments, the sadness.

About 8 years ago my Mother and I stopped talking. The whys are complicated because Mental Illness is complicated. It just became so hard to have her in my life day to day.  I won’t say that I was wrong or she was wrong, it doesn’t matter now. She is living her last days and it brought not only the two of us back together but the whole family.

I feel sadness don’t get me wrong but I also feel happy, it’s hard to explain what happened other than the deepest “exhaled breath” I ever had. Why? Because I was holding onto things that just didn’t matter. My mother didn’t hurt me physically or do something irreparable. What ultimately happened, is we let words take away the most important relationship you have in this life. She is my first connection to the world.

Holding Onto Too Much Drains Your Energy

You have to ask yourself the question, Are you holding onto too much? Ask yourself if you have let people go from your life because of a singular event that made you angry. Do you still feel angry? See letting people go who bring negativity to your life doesn’t automatically evaporate what we are holding. We have to face head on those feelings and deal with them.


What Is The Value?

Another question you should ask yourself is does this person hold value in your life? At times we let singular events and harsh words color everything that has gone before and that’s our ego talking. Our inner need to punish because we are hurt.

Letting It Go

Resentment if left unattended will damage us on the inside and how often do we keep a running tab of things we feel wronged about. Even with spouses and our children, we hold onto those little things that we could just let go of. There is a deeper wisdom to picking your battles for the sake of inner peace.

What It All Means

Because he didn’t take out the trash doesn’t mean it’s about you. We take too much personally and sweat every little thing. When we are in a relationship, we tend to think everything is about the relationship. Sometimes it’s just trash. Nothing will happen if it doesn’t get taken out. You don’t always need an apology for things. People hurt each other.

The How Of It

Releasing this demon means you have to get it out. Get it out once to the person or even write it down so you face the negativity head on. Not doing so creates emotional baggage we carry around which spills into the rest of our relationships.

Take A Break

As much as I might mourn the lost time my mother and I have it was necessary for both of us. Sometimes instead of totally walking away a break could help. Time is the greatest healer, is it not? Even admitting though you love this person, you can’t have them full time in your life.

relationsip tips

Create Boundaries

I am a big believer in boundaries and honesty. Letting someone know what your triggers and boundaries are can make a big difference. What causes the disagreements and harsh words? Maybe there are lines on both sides that just shouldn’t be crossed. It is totally ok to say to someone I can’t talk about this or that with you because we just don’t meet in the middle on it.

Check out this amazing article on forgiveness –> click here  It’s important to deal with the residual anger and resentment you might feel. There is a cleansing power to letting go unlike any I have come across. I truly believe it lightens the soul even greater than forgiveness.

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  • Shopgirl Anonymous December 9, 2016

    Boundaries I feel are the biggest help in these situations, because they create an expectation and a line that never cross. A break is great for our sanity, but then we are just returning to the same problem if we don’t lay down the boundaries.

    What a great article, so many helpful tips!

    • Heidi December 9, 2016

      So true, thanks for reading

  • Susan December 9, 2016

    This is such valuable advice! People will treat us exactly how we allow them to. We need to set boundaries with politeness and respect..and firmness. Case in point: We had 24 people as well as my dog and my sister’s dog for Thanksgiving. Aside from my family, we’d invited some friends who were alone for the holiday. One of them had asked previously if she could bring her dog, and I had said ‘no’ because of the already full house. She showed up with it anyway and made a point to tell me that she’d left him in the car and , “would it be alright if she brought him inside?” I politely told her that she was welcome to let him run around in the yard, but with other dogs, toddlers, and lots of people, it would be a bit much to add another (unfamiliar) dog to the mix. I felt bad for about 10 seconds…then she criticized that we were using storebought paper logs in the fireplace instead of “real wood” .,.. and I was over it. 🙂
    Susan recently posted…Christmas Cookies: Host a Cookie Baking DayMy Profile

    • Heidi December 9, 2016

      Oh the holidays, I know its terrible but we live nowhere near family so we kind of luck out, thanks for reading

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