The Secret Sauce To A Happy And Lasting Relationship


healthy relationshipHow To Have A Lasting Relationship



It is the question we all have when we start a relationship with someone that we are really into. How do I make this a lasting relationship? The answers may be different than you think and may actually go against what we have been programmed to believe.


I have had one really bad marriage and a really good marriage. That is what sparked the challenge in me to investigate and study what makes a relationship last and fail miserably. Ironically, my failure is what leads to helping others and building the best, lasting relationship I have ever had.



Key Ingredients That Make A Relationship Last


lasting relationship


Love Will Never Be Enough!


Asking someone why they are with a person, often the answer will be “I love them”. Let me tell you if that is the basis and foundation it will never last. I loved my first husband but it didn’t stop it from falling apart. There should always be love but it cannot be the basis of why you are together and if it is maybe you need to ask yourself more questions.



lasting relationship


Be A Friend


Starting out as friends is your best chance of success in sharing a life. You are going to spend a lot of time with this person. You have to genuinely like each other and spending time together. You would be surprised at how many couples don’t.



Your mate should be the first person you want to share news and life’s moments with.




lasting relationship

Your Own Person


It is very common for many people to lose themselves in another person. For this reason, maintaining things and relationships that are just yours are so important. Take separate vacations, have separate friends and hobbies. Maintaining your own Identity only enhances your mutual bond.



You are two halves of a whole and not merely an extension of each other



lasting relationship


Mutual Respect

There is no greater gift you can give any of your relationships than respect. Valuing your partner’s opinions and judgments are the secret sauce.  This doesn’t mean that you have to agree with everything they think or say but you have to value it. Belittling or not crediting their thoughts and feeling can ruin a relationship. Why would you want this person you love to feel small?



Honor their boundaries and be very clear with each other what those boundaries are. How you talk to each other really matters. Be mindful of your words and tone.



Core Values



Opposites do indeed attract and keep things interesting unless we are talking about basic values and beliefs. Early on you should be discussing openly what your value system is and your expectations. Having things in common means nothing if this doesn’t mesh.


For instance, you want children and your partner doesn’t. This will never work and when we don’t believe and want similar things we set ourselves up for the future disconnect. There are always places in the middle that can be met on some things, but the direction we see our life going must be the same direction.



lasting relationship



Keep The Lines Of Communication Open



Communication can be challenging, mainly because Men and Women think and speak differently. Did you know that many people listen to reply? This resonates with me and maybe you as well. Someone is talking and perhaps you don’t really hear everything they are saying because you are so busy waiting to reply.



Say what you mean and mean what you say


Listening with understanding is a gift and your partner feels valued when you are genuinely interested in what is being said. Be direct! No one is a mind reader and this is why saying exactly what you mean is essential in productive communication.



Don’t Complain



Both Men and Women can be guilty of this though I think it happens more with Women. We get irritated by what they don’t do and how many times we have to remind them. This leads to your mate feeling un-appreciated and feeling as if a lasting relationship wouldn’t work.



There is no feeling worse than this and a leading reason for straying and even breaking up. You can lace your words and requests with appreciation, for the things they do and you’d be surprised how this leads to getting what you want faster.



Temper your requests with appreciation and gratefulness


Sexy Time




Without intimacy, a lasting relationship can go downhill fast. Reasons may seem valid because life is busy but without Intimacy, we don’t feel truly connected and it’s the one thing we only share with each other. It should be a priority and not an afterthought.



Date Night is a great tool to keep Romance alive


Over time our sexual needs do shift and change. It is so important to be open to new things and discuss our needs and wants regularly. If we want a lasting relationship, we must be open minded sexually as well as emotionally.




lasting relationship


There are so many elements that go into a happy and lasting relationship that go far beyond being in love. I hope this gave you food for thought.  Is there anything I missed? Share your Secret Sauce!


17 Comments Write a comment

Hi, I Am Heidi! A Northern Girl In A Southern World Down In Hotlanta! I Am A Writer First And Foremost But I Wear Many Hats In This Blog World.If You Have Coffee We Can Be Friends. You Can Contact Me At Be Fabulous

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17 Comments on "The Secret Sauce To A Happy And Lasting Relationship"

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I have been with my husband for 4 years and married 1 and let me tell you it is a constant effort. You need to love them and give them the time they deserve. You hit the nail on the head with your tips Heidi!

Aish Padihari

I have been to paris just once and I missed on that Lock and key thing and I still kick myself over it. As for relationships, your view is spot on, girl. Love and sex are not enough – patience, kindness play major roles too. Been married for 16 years now and I get more attracted to the fella by each passing moment.


So true! The not so great relationships tend to lay the foundation for the great ones. 🙂

Divya @ Eat Teach Blog

I think communication is definitely a huge key. I wasn’t the best at that but my husband has helped me become more transparent and more communicative and I think that’s whats made our relationship so much more successful than any other ones I’ve had!


Thanks for sharing this article with us 🙂 It still surprises me how some people think that loving someone is just enough in a relationship!


Being your own person is so important!!!! What a great read!

Carol ("Mimi")

Such wise words!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Carin Harris

With 24 years to celebrate this month I must say I concur with your tips. 🙂

Olivia Douglass

These are great tips! Marriage is not easy but with these tips we can have a long lasting and great relationship!

Shirley Corder

Well said. I have been married to the guy who is my best friend for almost 50 years. Has it always been plain sailing? No. But when we said “until death do us part,” we meant it.


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