The Secret Sauce To A Happy And Lasting Relationshiprelationships
How To Have A Lasting Relationship
It is the question we all have when we start a relationship with someone that we are really into. How do I make this last? The answers may be different than you think and may actually go against what we have been programmed to believe.
I have had one really bad marriage and a really good marriage . That is what sparked the challenge in me to investigate and study what makes a relationship last and fail miserably. Ironically, my failure is what lead to helping others and building the best relationship I have ever had.
I had much to learn while my husband and I started out, it was not all fireworks and butterflies. It was a lot of hard work and here is what I found.
Key Ingredients That Make A Relationship Last
Love Will Never Be Enough!
Asking someone why they are with a person, often the answer will be “I love them”. Let me tell you if that is the basis and foundation it will never last. I loved my first husband but it didn’t stop it from falling apart. There should always be love but it cannot be the basis of why you are together and if it is maybe you need to ask yourself more questions.
I believed in the past that one should be the boss. Even legally they ask who is the head of household. It tends to be the one most able to make decisions. I don’t agree with this at all. I believe this thinking breeds resentment in most couples.
It should be a 50/50 partnership where you discuss all decisions and equally decide. Being one means you are two- halves of a whole and equally responsible for your household, your life. If you divorce, they are not going to ask who the head is, they are gonna split it down the middle.
Be A Friend
Starting out as friends is your best chance of success in sharing a life. You are going to spend a lot of time with this person. You have to genuinely like each other and spending time together. You would be surprised at how many couples don’t.
Your mate should be the first person you want to share news and life’s moments with.
Your Own Person
It is very common for many people to lose themselves in another person. For this reason, maintaining things and relationships that are just yours are so important. Take separate vacations, have separate friends and hobbies. Maintaining your own Identity only enhances your mutual bond.
You are two halves of a whole and not merely an extension of each other
There is no greater gift you can give any of your relationships than respect. Valuing your partner’s opinions and judgments is the secret sauce. This doesn’t mean that you have to agree with everything they think or say but you have to value it. Belittling or not crediting their thoughts and feeling can ruin a relationship. Why would you want this person you love to feel small?
Honor their boundaries and be very clear with each other what those boundaries are. How you talk to each other really matters. Be mindful of your words and tone.
Opposites do indeed attract and keep things interesting unless we are talking about basic values and beliefs. Early on you should be discussing openly what your value system is and your expectations. Having things in common means nothing if this doesn’t mesh.
For instance, you want children and your partner doesn’t. This will never work and when we don’t believe and want similar things we set ourselves up for future disconnect. There are always places in the middle that can be met on some things but the direction we see our life going must be the same path.
Keep The Lines Of Communication Open
Communication can be challenging, mainly because Men and Women think and speak differently. Did you know that many people listen to reply? This resonates with me and maybe you as well. Someone is talking and perhaps you don’t really hear everything they are saying because you are so busy waiting to reply.
Say what you mean and mean what you say
Listening with understanding is a gift and your partner feels valued when you are genuinely interested in what is being said. Be direct! No one is a mind reader and this is why saying exactly what you mean is essential in productive communication.
Both Men and Women can be guilty of this though I think it happens more with Women. We get irritated by what they don’t do and how many times we have to remind them. This leads to your mate feeling un-appreciated.
There is no feeling worse than this and a leading reason for straying and even breaking up. You can lace your words and requests with appreciation, for the things they do and you’d be surprised how this leads to getting what you want faster.
Temper your requests with appreciation and gratefulness
Without intimacy, things can go downhill fast. Reasons may seem valid because life is busy but without Intimacy ,we don’t feel truly connected and it’s the one thing we only share with each other. It should be a priority and not an afterthought.
Date Night is a great tool to keep Romance alive
Over time our Sexual needs do shift and change. It is so important to be open to new things and discuss our needs and wants regularly.
There are so many elements that go into making a relationship happy and lasting that go far beyond being in love. I hope this gave you food for thought. Is there anything I missed? Share your Secret Sauce!