Dating Tips: 3 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Having Sex

relationships the guest series


Love, Sex & Dating: The Guest Series

Welcome to the second installment of our Dating Series featuring guest writers from all walks of life who will be sharing their point of view on dating, love, and sex in today’s world. This post features Eden from The Barefoot Romantic


Single Again

Since recently becoming single I’ve had to navigate all different types of dating philosophies regarding when it’s right to have sex. After fifteen years of monogamy, I must say the most intriguing part of singledom was the thought of getting to have sex with someone new. But the question that still nagged me was how to go about doing it in a way that felt comfortable and empowered me in my sexuality?

When is the right time?

I knew I couldn’t wait for a committed or emotionally bonded relationship. The truth is that we are sexual creatures and sexuality is tied to our creativity. When you deny your sexuality to wait until you have perceived emotional stability, you cut off your personal power and your ability to receive pleasure. Whatever you deny the other person, you equally deny yourself.

Traditional dating rules tell us that women tend to wait until they are emotionally bonded to have sex, while men typically have sex more quickly. But in the age of modern dating, traditional gender roles are becoming blurred and women now more than ever are empowered to act on their desires.

So how do I know when it’s right for me to have sex? I’ve learned to let my intuition guide me. I ask myself three basic questions and if I can honestly answer yes to all three of them, then I relax and reap the benefits of the experience.

Question #1: Do I like him?

It sounds obvious, but have you ever taken a moment to ask? This goes beyond just physical attraction. Think about how he is as a person, how he treats you and how he treats others. Are you interested in getting to know him more?

Question #2: Do I want to have sex with him?

The response to this question is visceral. You will feel it in your body. If the response is yes—or “uh huh”—that’s a good sign that you do.

If it’s no—“huh uh” or “meh”—then sleep on it and get to know him a bit better. A visceral no could also mean that it’s time to move on.

If I never see or hear from him again, am I okay with that?Click To Tweet


Question #3: Am I okay with whatever happens afterward?

If I never see or hear from him again, am I okay with that? Can I appreciate the time we share together, enjoy the passion of the moment and not expect anything in return? Love is not conditional and neither is sex.


Learning to be okay with whatever happens afterward creates emotional resilience and enhances self-esteem. I’ve even come to enjoy the uncertainty that follows because the ones that come back afterward are usually worth keeping.

What questions do you ask yourself before having sex with someone? Taking the time to look inside only enhances the pleasure and engages your body, mind, and spirit.

Eden Lighthipe writes about sex and dating in the modern era from a feminine perspective. Visit her blog at thebarefootromantic


5 Comments Write a comment

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  • Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching December 19, 2016

    This is a really good way to approach something that must be quite terrifying after 15 years in a relationship. Excellent questions to ask yourself.

    • Heidi December 19, 2016

      We definitely need to take the time before jumping into regret:)

  • Roy Miller December 19, 2016

    Call me old fashioned, but with all that is out there today, I think this would be a hard question to answer. Is there really a right answer? What can I say, I am a guy!

    • Heidi December 19, 2016

      true but taking the time to ask really helps you to make thought out decisions

  • Guest Series #3: Dating The Divorced Guy | Womanpulse January 9, 2017

    […] you are freshly divorced after being married your entire adult life dating is one of those things you thought, you would never even dream about. The last time I was single and […]

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