How To Avoid These Relationship Killers
Relationships are hard there is no doubt about that. We yearn for that connection which is human nature but do we take the time to really consider all things. I am sure you have heard it said that just because you love someone doesn’t mean you should be together. It can be completely true but we get wrapped up in this because we feel it, we must have it. But there are some things to consider first and join me as we explore 7 relationship killers.
Does that mean love is doomed? No not all, there is no greater feeling than being in love and it can also be said no greater hell on earth. There are issues and questions you really need to consider before making a commitment. Having been divorced I can definitely tell you there were signs before we even got married that perhaps it wasn’t wise to rush into marriage.
#1 Making them Your Everything
This to me is mistake number one and will ultimately end in disaster. No one can be someone’s everything. It is a lot of pressure on your partner and creates a life and identity imbalance that both of you will pay for later. Everything you have only enhances your relationship and you need to have an identity and purpose of your own. That could be anything from friends to a career or even an activity that is solely yours.
Ding Dong! Are your expectations too high? That happens so often in relationships I can’t even begin to state it enough. Something happens to our brains when in the midst of love and passion that just makes sense go out the window. We love the feeling and assume our partner is perfect. He wouldn’t do that! No one is perfect and people make lots and lots of mistakes. I can personally attest to that. When you set your expectations too high you are pretty much guaranteed to get disappointed and is that really their fault? In no way do I think you should have no expectations but they should be reasonable?
One question you surely should ask yourself is how much your willing to sacrifice. Sharing a life with someone will involve some sacrifice but you need to take the time to decide how much you are willing to make? Maybe it’s giving up your career or something even more challenging. Be very careful to consider if you can live with whatever it is long term. If you feel as if you’ve sacrificed too much it can cause resentment.
#4 Everyone Else
Recently I asked some people what they felt were the leading dating problems and the comment about friends came up and how someone’s crazy friends actually caused the breakup of their relationship. Sounds crazy but when you commit to someone you are also committing to the people in their life. This includes family and friends. Get to know the people in their life and realize it is all part of the package. I know on a personal level I could never commit to someone who didn’t at least try to have a relationship with my children.
Another wise thing to consider is no inviting your friends and family into your relationship issues. Heck, we all like to vent but when you go crying to people you invade the intimacy that exists between you and then you can’t really expect them to not have a say.
#5 Wants And Needs
This is also a big one aside from your core values which should align to avoid relationship killers, do you want the same things? A leading cause of divorce is when a couple drifts apart because over time our wants and needs change but if they were never the same your headed for trouble. Find these things out! It is definitely ok from the start to ask your dates what they want out of life and smart in my opinion so you don’t waste time. I remember reading Steve Harvey’s books and him saying you should have a list of questions.
Not only that but you should know what your wants and needs are. It is hard to be successful in a relationship when you don’t know your own mind and what your end game is. This is a common reason people who marry young will sometimes end up divorced. You need to grow and as you grow, what you think you wanted can end up completely different.
#6 The Work
Going in you really have to grasp that it’s work every day and whether you are willing to do that. You will be sharing a life and with that comes all kinds of things you might not expect. Struggle, change and even boredom can take its toll on a relationship. It is so important to establish roles from the start, Talk about how you will deal with specific issues like money which is by the way maybe the largest cause of arguments between couples.
I love the idea of running a marriage, especially as a corporation. Many won’t agree with me I am sure but the idea of 50/50 rarely works. In a corporation, everyone has their own job to do and still works together.
#7 My Way Or The Highway
As you are sharing a life together you have to be open-minded. It can’t be all one person’s way, it demeans the other person and makes them feel undervalued. As if they don’t matter. Always try to be open to your partner’s ideas because it’s almost like having two minds and that is what being one is all about. If you are only willing to do things your way it’s possible you are not ready to share a life.Hence the reason this is one of the important relationship killers.
A healthy, committed relationship can be a beautiful thing as long as you don’t sabotage it with these relationship killers. Can you relate at all? Have a relationship question? Please feel free to let me know in the comments.