How Mismatched Libidos Can Affect Your Relationship

Sex is the glue that holds long-term relationships together, or so we are led to believe. The truth is our libidos are an individual thing and not all of us view sex as important. Some people need to have some kind of sexual experience at least once a day whereas others describe themselves as asexual and have no desire to have sex, ever.

There is no right or wrong way to be, but problems generally arise when couples have mismatched libidos. In this instance, one partner is continually pushing for sex and the other feels pressured, which leads to feelings of resentment, rejection and, ultimately, relationship breakdown. The good news it is possible to find a compromise both parties can work with. Here are some suggestions to help you get started.


Let’s Talk about Sex

When you have issues in the bedroom, it can be very difficult to have *that* conversation. It’s a lot easier to brush the issue under the rug, but sexual problems are like the elephant in the bedroom in that they never go away.

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In order to deal with mismatched libidos, it’s important that you sit down and have a conversation, preferably in a neutral place. Try not to let emotions get the better of you. Feelings may be running high, especially if one partner is feeling rejected. The aim of the game is to find out what the other wants and, hopefully, reach some kind of compromise.


Find Ways to Channel Excessive Sexual Energy

The human sex drive is a powerful thing. It pushes us into situations we wouldn’t dream of in the cold light of day and it can create an awful lot of pent up frustration when there is no release. A lack of sex is a common reason for one partner to seek fulfillment outside of the primary relationship.

If you are happy for this to happen, set ground rules to establish trust, but if having sex outside of the relationship is a deal breaker, embrace monogamy and look at other ways to deal with the problem.

how to deal with mismatched libidos

There are plenty of places where frustrated people can find sexual release without harming their primary relationship. Phone sex services such as allow users to have sexy phone calls with strangers and nobody is hurt in the process. Porn is another common release mechanism for frustrated men and women everywhere. You could even take up a new sport or hobby and sublimate your sexual energy into a productive or creative outlet instead of bottling it all up.


Can Your Relationship Survive?

Sometimes, it isn’t possible to find a compromise that works for both partners. If one person still wants a lot more than the other person can give and there is no middle ground that works for you both, the only option may be to split up. However, don’t rush into breaking up. Instead, book some sessions with a couple’s therapist who specializes in libido issues where you can discuss the issues you have in a safe environment.

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