emotional baggage

How Emotional Baggage Can Ruin Your Relationship

Emotional Baggage is in the top five for sabotaging a relationship! Truth is, we don’t always realize we are carrying it. Picture this, I was married for 13 years and it was shitty I’m not going to lie. I initiated the divorce which two long years . When it was finally over I heard the bells Hall-e-lu-jah! Thank You Lord!

I did the right things or so I thought. Spent time alone. Didn’t date seriously for six months. I was fine. A friend once told me it took 6 years to get over a divorce and yes I thought it was total crap. Turns out I was wrong.

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I met my  husband 8 months later and I knew he was the one and we were going to be happily ever after. What I found, however, was I had a lot of emotional baggage. Luckily he was willing to help me carry it, but it was a long process and this is how I figured out what I did wrong. I was free and I wasn’t. It took me a long time to dump mine but I did and here’s how.

Don’t Paint Everyone By The Same Brush

Emotional baggage is not gender- specific, we all have some but when it is carried over from previous relationships it is worse.  One of my primary issues was a comparison. I kept waiting for him to act like my ex so I would push and push. No two people are the same on this earth. How many times have you heard someone say they are all the same?

 

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Give Your Feelings A Voice

You have to honestly ask yourself what the emotions are that you feel about your ex and how it ended. I came to realize that I was still so angry.

It was evident in how i approached everything and I just couldn’t admit it to myself. You have to give the emotions whatever they are a voice, so you can bury them.

 

 

Forgive

Whatever the reason you ended the relationship harboring feelings of hurt, sadness or anger will only eat you up. You have to let forgiveness inside. I actually told my ex I forgave him and yes he told me I was crazy but I felt so light afterward. You can even just write it down because it’s for you, not them.

Own Up

We always have some responsibility in our bad relationships. It doesn’t mean we are to blame. Maybe you stayed too long. Maybe you didn’t stand up for yourself.. Whatever your part was you need to acknowledge it so you not only know for the next time but free yourself of the burden.

Be Vulnerable

We have all been hurt at some point. It is natural to want to protect yourself because it is a horrible feeling. If you don’t open yourself to the possibilities you’ll never be able to give or receive love to your fullest potential. This was my main problem. You can’t control the universe. Things will happen, you will get hurt. Without some pain, you can feel no joy.

 

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In conclusion, If you don’t examine and deal with your feelings from your previous relationships you are going to carry them into every relationship you have after.

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