I recently came across a blog I really love from a Life Coach that reaches into the depth of what is holding us back. I hope you will enjoy our guest post by Tania from Soul Sense Coaching
Self-Hatred: How to Stop Harming and Start Loving Ourselves
2004 saw the release of a controversial movie called, “What the Bleep Do we Know!?”
The main character, Amanda, is a divorced photographer, who goes on an extraordinary personal odyssey. A thread that runs throughout the movie is her relationship with herself. As her life falls apart, her loathing for herself and her life grows.
There’s a particular scene where Amanda comes across a photographic exhibition of the water crystals of Dr. Masaru Emoto. He is a Japanese researcher who discovered that crystals which form in frozen water, change when specific, concentrated thoughts are directed toward them. In the movie, we see photographs of exquisitely beautiful crystals formed in response to loving thoughts, compared to damaged crystals formed from thoughts of anger and self hatred. There is a pivotal moment when a stranger comments to Amanda, “If thoughts can do that to water, imagine what our thoughts can do to us?”
FACT OR FICTION
Whether Dr. Emoto’s research is fact or fiction, it raises a very useful question. What are your thoughts doing to you? What do you say to yourself when you mess up, or when things aren’t going well? Self-hatred and guilt are threads that run through the lives of a surprising number of the women I work with. From housewives to successful businesswomen, professionals and entrepreneurs, across the board, women are telling themselves. I can’t do it, I don’t have what it takes, I am not good enough.
Although there are many variations on the theme, the underlying pattern is the same; the pattern is one of self-hatred. When we mess up, we berate, shame or ridicule ourselves. We despise our weaknesses and thoughtlessness and hope that by hating what is wrong, we will improve.
Check it out for yourself. Think of a recent situation that went wrong and makes you cringe with shame, Maybe you failed, dropped the ball or messed up. What do you say to yourself that makes it worse than it already is? It might be something along the lines of, how could I? What is wrong with me? Now think of the impact. What are these thoughts doing to you? Chances are, they make you feel awful.
Imagine how your life would be if you began to love yourself into change? How much more energized and inspired would you be to do things differently, to make better choices? It is possible to change this cycle. We can learn to be there for ourselves, even when we have let ourselves down or the whole world seems to us. It is possible to support and guide ourselves into behaving better, to being braver, more confident pe
Do Your Own Research.
Start paying attention to what happens when you beat yourself up with guilt and self-doubt. Does it strengthen or weaken you physically? Emotionally? Mentally?
If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself. We are much harder on ourselves than we are on others. Imagine a friend was in the situation you are currently in and asked for your advice. What would you say to them? Say that to yourself!
Reconsider Your Relationship With Self Hatred and Doubt.
If you had a friend that made you feel bad about yourself all the time, would you want that friendship? And yet you do it to yourself. Making yourself feel bad is not the way to make yourself feel good! Guilt is not your friend, nor is self-doubt. Telling yourself you are no good, is NOT for your own good and will NOT protect you from harm, it IS harm. It is self-hatred in disguise. See it for what it is and choose to stop doing it.
Change your thinking.
Use your imagination wisely to solve problems to the benefit of yourself and others. If you did something wrong or that you regret, rectify the situation to the best of your ability. If an apology is needed, make it. But do what you do with kindness.
Give yourself time.
Change doesn’t happen overnight, it takes a time to change the habits of a lifetime. If you need help ask for it. There are many therapists and life coaches that can provide the support and guidance you need to be the change you want to see in the world!
Bio: Tania Potter is a personal development Life Coach who specialized in L.I.F.E (Living Into your Fullest Expression). Her main goal is to guide you through a process of self-discovery to be more fully who you are. She lives on the East Coast of South Africa with her long- suffering husband, (his description!) an adorable Jack Russell, Pebbles, and cares for her elderly father as they face the challenges of Alzheimer’s. You can find out more about Tania at http://www.soulsensecoaching.co.za/