A Guide To Life After Divorce ( What Do I Do Now?)

divorce relationships

divorce

The Divorce Is Final

Divorce is hard and stressful and life after divorce can be just as difficult, no matter how it came about for you. I asked for the Divorce so some might think well you got what you wanted. The truth is I did what was best for everybody, we were all miserable. But when the day came, I am not gonna lie, I was Euphoric and I think that is how many of us feel.

The Days, Months, Years in my case were a constant source of Anxiety. Me and (satan) lived together, in separate rooms for financial reasons and his inability to accept it. So when the day came I was like a 16yr old who’s parents were away for the weekend. Yes, I went crazy!

The first thing I did was get a tattoo and then there was the going out every night, the Serial Dating and a host of bad decisions.  So I thought I would create this little guide to help those going through a divorce maybe transition a little smoother.

Life After Divorce

For some Divorce can come suddenly and you can get blind-sided but even then there is time. Formulate a plan for life after divorce.  There are so many things to consider from property to all of the belongings to work and in some cases where you are going to live. The more you have planned the better off you will be.

divorce

Learn To Be Alone

I am an Introvert so being alone has never really been an issue for me but to go from seeing and hearing my kids every day to half the time was hard. In my life after divorce, I had to get used to silence. Even having someone to talk to when you got home.

Doing things alone can be hard to get used to. I learned to really enjoy my own company and started going places by myself. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. There is a lot of loneliness that you have to get used to and eventually it dissipates over time. Ironically, I grew to prefer it.

 

divorce

Sadness

I was surprised at how sad I felt. I didn’t want to be married to him, but I missed being married. It is completely normal to grieve the loss. It is like losing part of yourself. Experts say it takes six years to totally get over a divorce. You don’t want to wallow however, you definitely need to deal with the baggage.

 

 

 

Find Yourself

The person you were with your ex may not be the person you are after the divorce. I honestly had never really known the real me. I spent so many years being whatever everyone wanted that I lost the true essence of who I was.

When you are a couple, you are an extension of each other. Sadly, this happens with so many women especially if you were young when you got married. I met my first husband when I was 18 and that really is when you are discovering yourself and what you want. Add kids to the mix and you can get even more lost in everybody else.

life after divorce

New Friends

This was perhaps the hardest part for me. A good friend told me that when you get divorced, you will find out who you’re true friends are. When you are married many of your friends are mutual, it’s just easier that way. After the divorce, the waters get muddy.

Our friends didn’t so much pick a side as they just didn’t want to be involved with either side. That goes for family too. We all felt awkward and for me, it became hard to be with my married friends after that. Your life just changes so much. Connecting with other divorced people tends to really help emotionally and socially as well.  It is kind of like a support group you can whine to and get the “mmhmm” you really need.

Dating

After the “trolling” novelty wore off, I realized I just wasn’t ready. I needed time to answer to myself, to be me. If I am being honest the Serial Dating was more about sex than a relationship. You need time to grow and make peace with your new life.

I usually suggest 6 months. After I spent some time alone I met my husband and I was better prepared to find the man who was right for me. I started with formulating a list of what I didn’t want.It was the best decision as I have a great Marriage with my best friend.

Another blogger brought up this point and it is great advice. If you have kids you can’t date someone who doesn’t. People who have never had kids cannot possibly understand the obligations or be put second. Divorce is so hard on kids and it takes a special kind of person to appreciate that. Usually, that is someone who has the same thing in their life.

life afterdivorce

Curb Impulsiveness

Making your own decisions can be exciting, even kind of a high. I know for me it was. You need to really weigh each decision carefully. Making snap decisions can have negative results. I made quite a few poor Financial decisions that ended badly and cost me big time. Taking the time to weigh your options can make a big difference.

It is easy to think that when the Divorce is final that it’s over but it is far from over. There are many decisions to make which is hard because you tend to be vulnerable. Learn and discover the new you and your new life. Connect with others who find themselves where you are in life.

27 Comments Write a comment

Hi, I Am Heidi! A Northern Girl In A Southern World Down In Hotlanta! I Am A Writer First And Foremost But I Wear Many Hats In This Blog World.If You Have Coffee We Can Be Friends. You Can Contact Me At heidi@womanpulse.com Be Fabulous

Leave a Reply

27 Comments on "A Guide To Life After Divorce ( What Do I Do Now?)"

Notify of
avatar
Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
Arunas
Guest

This was an interesting read. Our lives are full of discoveries and losses because every person has his own time to be with us. Thanks for sharing.

Francesca - From Pennies to Pounds
Guest

I enjoyed reading this. I think that it can be really awkward with mutual friends as you say. A girl I know has been told many times that her husband has been cheating on her, but another friend said she thinks she stays because they all have the same friends as they have been together since school.
I think weighing up your decisions is a really good point.

Aish Padihari
Guest

I think, all of us (single. divorced, married) should learn how to live alone and be happy. Its important to be there.., yet, not there. I hear you on the divorce. Great read.

Marsha
Guest

This was really good Heidi! I can relate to some of it: I initiated my divorce, I’m an introvert so I actually enjoy my alone time but being without the kids for even 24 hours was painful at first. I used to cry every single time. Now I look forward to it lol! Divorce is a tough process regardless which side you’re on but it’s such a freeing feeling when it’s over. And making your own decisions and getting back to your true self (or new true self) is great! I see the world so much differently now!

Kristi Le
Guest

Great read! Thank you!

Veena
Guest

This was such a great read Heidi. It’s a life lesson for everyone really!

trackback

[…] the day I knew I had to fix it for all of us. We were fighting as we did every day and yes EVERYDAY. They didn’t cry or yell at us to stop, they quietly left the room. For them this was normal and […]

Shorikka
Guest

This is a reareally good post however, I do have to disagree….there are a lot of men amd women that I know who’s currently dating someone with children and they dont have any. I think each individual has their own preference and how mature are they.

Ana Rose | Roads and Pages
Guest

I remember a book that I have read before while reading your post. It was a book by Elizabeth Gilbert. She suffered after her divorce with her husband. She wanted to find herself and what she did was that she traveled. It was for that reason that she came up with the book “Eat, Pray, and Love.”

Ankita
Guest

I enjoyed reading the post, Heidi!
Though I am Still unmarried.. But can correlate the things to one I know went through the same phase..
This post inspired me somehow.. I guess we always discover a new Strength inside us in tough times!

Jacqueline Carlisle
Guest

It’s the things you are unprepared for that seems to hit you the hardest. I have not filed yet, but I remember being told I could never consider myself as a single woman on any future forms I might need to fill out. It’s a final chapter with new one starting all at the same time. Go get your nails done. I know it sounds crazy, but do something that will make you smile.

Aish Das-Padihari
Guest

I have a couple of friends who took divorce very differently. One was rooted and devoted her time to her work and her kid. She paid attention to quality while dating. On the other hand, another friend created a havoc. Starting from seeing a therapist to dating everyone she meets. I understand that divorce can be hard but we got to do what we got to do.

Preethi'sCuisine
Guest

Well scripted Heidi.A lesson for those going through tough times.

Shakirah Iman
Guest

So many people skip the being alone part. It is such an important step to rediscovering oneself and reflecting on what went wrong with the marriage.

Sarika Gunjal
Guest

awesome read Heidi…

trackback

[…] A Guide To Life After Divorce ( What Do I Do Now?) (1,880) […]

John Adiele
Guest

Quite revealing but i thinks it all depends on the individual.

trackback

[…] and what your end game is. This is a common reason people who marry young will sometimes end up divorced. You need to grow and as you grow, what you think you wanted can end up completely […]

Rica
Guest

Divorce was one of the most difficult experiences I faced, especially as a single mom. But the years that followed were so incredibly pertinent to my growth as a strong, independent woman. I waited until my kids were teens to begin dating. Funny thing, I never could imagine how satisfying my life would become. When you’re suffering you just can’t see the light.

wpDiscuz
Recommended
Recommended
4 Things To Do Before The Big 30! Reaching the…
error: Content is protected !!