How To Make Your Separation And Divorce As Easy As Possible For Your Kids
If there’s one thing in life none of us want to go through, it’s a divorce. It’s the last thing any of us expect when we are in the throes of love, and even more so when we have had children with the person we’re married to. But, the statistics speak for themselves, with around 40 to 50 percent of all US marriages ending up in divorce. Therefore, it’s something that is worth being aware of, even if you are convinced that you’ll be with your partner forever. There’s no doubt that divorce is stressful and can have some long-lasting effect on both yourself and the other person involved.
But some other people it can also have a huge impact on are your children. If your kids are quite young, still generally classed as ‘babies,’ you probably won’t run into many issues. If your children are older, however, and can easily grasp the gravity of the situation, you may well find it a tumultuous time for everybody. That being said, there are certain things you can do to minimize the stress that your separation puts on your children.
Avoid carrying out any conflicts in front of them
Let’s not beat around the bush. If relations in your home have been strained for some time, there is every chance that your children are already anticipating a separation or a divorce. But this does not mean that you are within your rights to have arguments with your spouse in front of them or to discuss the separation agreement in front of them.
This can only lead to unnecessary distress and could have a lasting impact on your relationship with your children. If you know conflict is going to arise inevitably, make the conscious decision to remove either yourself or your spouse from the family home, so you are not tempted to argue.
Children need a routine to function well, and if you and your partner are separating, it can be easy for this routine to be upheaved. This can easily throw the child into panic mode and can make them very distressed. So, make an effort to carry on as normally as you can, even if it means gritting your teeth a little. Continue to take your child to school as normal and share parental responsibilities, if that’s something you already did.
Telling your kids that you are separating can be traumatic for all parties involved. The manner in which you tell them largely depends on the child’s age and level of maturity, but you always need to make one thing clear: that it is never the child’s fault. Very commonly, children are quick to blame themselves for a divorce, especially if they do not fully understand the ins and outs of their parent’s relationship. Therefore, it is vital that you provide your kids with this reassurance, and let them know that no matter what, both you and your partner still love them.