RELATIONSHIPS ARE HARD
There are many things that cause problems or the breakdown of a relationship!
According to my research, this can be Money, Family, Intimacy and those are just a few. What I believe is at the core of this is poor communication.
In most situations, we are taught the right way to communicate. At work, at school, in social situations. We know we have to interact with people a certain way. When we get home it’s a different matter altogether. When intimacy is involved somehow we grow stupid.
My greatest failure taught me the lesson of communicating, we didn’t at all. We yelled and blamed a lot. All of which got us nowhere.
How Do You Communicate?
There are huge differences in how men and women communicate, we are wired differently and that is what makes it so hard while it’s what makes it great as well. Women communicate to create and maintain intimacy. They want to talk so they can be more in touch with their partner.
Men tend to be negotiators, they want to solve the problem. As women, we tend to think our partner should know us , therefore know when something is wrong, what we are thinking etc. Let me just say that is the biggest mistake we make as women. Men are direct, you have to be clear and say exactly what you want. Why do we have such a hard time asking for what we want?
DOS AND DON’TS
- Ask for what you want
- Clarify boundaries
- Don’t make demands or ultimatums
It is also about how you are communicating. If you are yelling someone down, you will never get what you want. Starting the conversation with something positive, carefully wording what you’re looking for.
In this technological time in history, we are more concerned with our phones and computers than sitting down and having a human conversation. It is important to disconnect, even if you have to schedule a time for it.
There was a time in my Marriage when it went through a rough patch. We were hurting each other and what was once so solid seemed to be slipping away. Neither of us could really understand why. We both felt deeply in love. Here is what I did. I researched as I do everything. I found some things proved very helpful.
Each of you should write down a list of needs. This was illuminating, there were so many things he needed that I didn’t realize because we never talked about it. Write down what bothers you about your partner. Come and read your lists and write down together what you can do to make a change.
My favorite method, however, was the weekly talk. Once a week we set aside a half hour with a topic picked. Sit across from each other and only discuss that topic. It was hard at first but eventually we looked forward to it.
You get back, what you give out in a lot of cases, we need to think about how we relate to the people in our lives. Are we truly listening? Everyone needs to be heard!
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