Marriage Problems: What Happens When Things Go Wrong
As children, we fantasize about our wedding day and Marriage. We wear our mother’s shoes and tie a pillowcase around our heads and imagine walking down the aisle. But it’s strange that we don’t think much beyond that. What happens next? And what do we do when things don’t go according to plan?
Acknowledge The Problem
Problems don’t always reveal themselves immediately. Unless there’s a specific trigger like the discovery of an affair, etc., often issues emerge over time. And all of a sudden you realize that you’re not speaking properly anymore and that you’re constantly bickering. Or maybe you just don’t spend time with one another.
The first step is to acknowledge the problem and talk about it. Communicate clearly how things are not working and try to figure out a way forward.
If you ask happy couples about the secret of their successful marriage, many of them talk about communication. Whatever happens, it’s important to keep on talking, even if the exchanges are angry. If you’re not getting anywhere and you feel you’re not being heard, try this technique based on Imago therapy. Choose a time when you can speak to your partner without being interrupted.
One person starts the discussion and explains simply and clearly how they are feeling. Rather than responding, the other partner explains in their own words what they have just heard. So they are mirroring what has been said. The discussion will continue in this vein until the roles are reversed. The important thing here is that each partner feels heard and understood. Because you’re mirroring, arguments tend not to occur, and it can help you gain an insight into how the other person is feeling.
Whether you’re going through marriage problems or not, your partner should be (along with your children) the most important person in your life. And, as such, they should be entitled to your time. This is not always easy because life gets very busy. Even if your job is incredibly busy, make sure you prioritize time with your partner. Schedule in dates just as you would schedule in business meetings and make sure you stick to them.
A common cause of marriage problems is a betrayal such as an affair. This can be difficult to navigate. Once trust is lost, it is hard to win it back again. However, it is not impossible. Working together, communicating, and possibly seeking counseling, can help couples to find their way back together again.
Knowing When To Call It A Day
Sometimes, despite all your endeavors to fix things, and despite the love your feel for one another, things don’t work out. But you’ll both know that you tried and gave it your best shot. It’s important to be able to recognize this and move on. The important thing now is to honor your relationship by allowing it to end in a calm and dignified manner. An expert divorce lawyer from IRB Law or similar can guide you the through the legal processes and help to deal with any issues in a swift and painless way.
In most fairy tales, the story ends with a triumphant wedding and the conviction that the bride and groom lived happily ever after. Real life doesn’t end there. Weddings are followed by marriages and marriage problems can happen, and they take work.